When I was a little girl single people didn’t meet online. In fact being single required a lot of skill, tenacity and not least endurance. The singles of yesterday had an arduous task in many ways, they were reliant on sparks flying in the work place, the gym or pub, and then there were the refined sorts that enrolled in evening classes, or cultural painting trips to boost their chances.
Another potential hook up spot (if you were lucky enough) was a show called “Blind Date” which aired on Saturday nights. I can still remember munching biscuits, narrowing my eyes being totally fascinated and embarrassed all at once.
Whatever the methods current or past, it appears the human species not only likes, but actively seeks out the state of relating or being in a relationship with other sentient beings. Relating in general is an indicator of where we ourselves are. To be more precise, without each other we can experience a type of void. It could also be said that if we lack human contact we temporarily lose the ability to understand or relate to ourselves.
Whatever the relationship’s nature, it is clearly natural for us to engage, agree, lock horns – or even nurture other individuals. The resounding truth of this can be found in the countless and overwhelming stories of materially neglected children and animals who can survive longer if loving physical contact and attention is in place.
Let us go back for moment to relationships of the romantic kind. I often hear people who are tired of being alone discussing what they wish for in a potential mate. It tends to center around what that person can do for them and the attributes they are required to possess. The “right” individual is tantamount to a saint, who will wash away our tears, clear out our skeleton packed closets, and give themselves to us 150% 365 days of the year. I ponder on this, and become concerned. I fear that this misconception leads us straight into the valley of relationship hell. If the premise for the relationship is “What can this individual do for me?”, I conclude that we need to rethink, possibly renovate, our wonky ambitions.
Why wonky? Well, let me put it like this. I see that all relationships are possibilities, the possibility that you can bring yourself to the relation. What if we were to think: What can I bring to this relationship instead of, what can they bring or add to me? If this is the premise I believe there may be a genuine chance for connection, one that surrenders to the mutual allowance of possibility rather than getting swallowed by old patterns.
Undoubtedly we will get distracted from time to time, we might forget to call, maybe we even get jealous? It is how we deal with our reactions to all these inevitable things that make us relationship worthy, that we don’t get stuck in our reaction to our reactions.
There is another relationship faux pas that we could attempt to unlearn whilst on the subject, the one called “forever and ever amen”. Society’s backwards views has steeped us heavily into subconscious piousness and forces us to commit no matter what till the end of time. In other words it’s not possible to live in the moment and see how things roll. I’m not saying Dolly Parton wasn’t right when she sang “I will always love you” and I apologise for seeming sceptical, but this state of being is not a given, it can only ever be a potential. Esther Hicks puts this really well when she says marriage vows should sound like this; “I really like you right now, let’s see how things go”.
Ultimately love is just a word, and relationships can be nothing more than a concept if we fail to let go of the emotional junk that no longer serves us. Remember, you can invite others to join you in rehab (they can even wipe your brow), but it’s you that’s gotta sweat it out. Finally, it must be ok for us to be out there with all our dents and imperfections, but let’s learn where those dents are, work on them patiently and love them too for what they represent – the possibility of love